For Fun!!
Dear Santa,
I have been a good mom all year. I have fed, cleaned and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctors office 168 times, made a few healthy balanced meals, and attended many soccer and tee-ball games and practices only to chase my daughter around the fields. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son’s red crayon on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles and who knows when I will find more free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes: I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don’t flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy. If your hauling big ticket items this year, I’d like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn’t broadcast any programs containing talking animals: and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, “YES MOMMY” to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty trained toddler, two kids who don’t fight, and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up with out the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, “Don’t eat in the living room” and “Take your hands off your sister,” because my voice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing range.
If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature with out it being served in a stirofoam container. If you don’t mind I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It would clear my conscience immensly. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house with out being bribed, or if my toddler didn’t look so cute when she is sneaking into the contraband candy.
Well Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet behind the pantry door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remeber to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don’t catch cold. Help yourself to some cookies on the table but don’t leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Alway,
MOM